About a month ago, I broke my eyeglasses. I literally broke one of the earpieces off so I'm walking around balancing my glasses on one earlobe and my nose. After weeks of waiting, my glasses were supposed to arrive today. It just so happens that today is also my day off (bonus!).
Around 3:20, I hear the rusty brakes of my postman. I was so excited to get my glasses that I ran to the dining room window to watch so I knew when I could safely run to the mailbox to claim my glasses. After two minutes, he finally pulled away and I ran to the mailbox.
Did I find my brand new pair of glasses? NO! I found a disgusting, LYING piece of paper that said "Sorry We Missed You! Please come pick your glasses up tomorrow morning." Okay, it didn't say that last part verbatim, but seriously? I WATCHED YOU AT MY MAILBOX!!! So I ran inside, found the number for my local post office and called. I told the guy that I've been walking around for weeks with a pair of broken eyeglasses and that my new ones were supposed to come today and he said:
Postguy: "Ma'am how do you know they were supposed to arrive today?"
Me: "Umm okay first of all, I looked at the delivery schedule. Secondly, your mailman left a notice in my mailbox saying that I wasn't home when he was here to deliver my brand new glasses to me"
Postguy: "Ma'am how do you know when it was delivered"
Me: "I was standing at my dining room window WATCHING him at my mailbox and ran outside as soon as he left"
Postguy: "Can you please hold for me"
Then I was put on hold for five minutes...He came back and said:
Postguy: "Ma'am I'm seeing here that your mail is delivered between 1pm and 1:30 pm everyday so I don't believe that vehicle you saw was your mailman"
me: "ARE YOU SERIOUS? It was my mailman. I stood at my window and watched him put the mail INTO my mailbox"
Postguy: "Well I'm just seeing that normally your mail comes at 1"
me: "Well I stood at my window and watched him put the mail in my mailbox. Were you there to watch him put the mail in my mailbox? Are you saying that I didn't see the man in the USPS vehicle place the mail into my mailbox??"
Postguy: "Ma'am I will have him come back to deliver your glasses as soon as he returns to the station."
Me: "Thank you SIR"
He better show up or I'm going to do the same thing I did at NMU anytime I had a problem....I'm going straight to the President.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Casa di Shanks
Wanted: Visitors
When: Now
Amenities: Casa di Shanks is able to accomodate up to 4 guests comfortably and upwards of 10 guests if sleeping on the floor is permitted. You'll wake up to John singing in the shower every morning followed by superfluous amounts of cinnamon roll oatmeal. After that, treat yourself to a delicious orange, starfruit, or grapefruit from the backyard. Casa di Shanks offers free wi-fi, cable, and any movie you could ever dream of seeing, thanks to John's stealthy computer abilities. There's also Wii for those video game lovers. After a long relaxing day, you'll enjoy one of Mary's famous homecooked meals followed by ice cream and hot chocolate and a night of awesome board games.
While staying at Casa di Shanks, you'll have the opportunity to visit many of Florida's awesome sites. Start at the Ringing Brothers Museum in Sarasota (followed by a quick trip to Whole Foods Market!), then make your way to Tampa to visit Busch Gardens, the Holocaust Museum, Museum of Science and Industry, and much more! The best part is, the beautiful Gulf of Mexico is located only 1/2 block away from Casa di Shanks!
Come one, come all to Casa di Shanks! You won't regret it ;)
Aka, please come visit us. We're lonesome.
When: Now
Amenities: Casa di Shanks is able to accomodate up to 4 guests comfortably and upwards of 10 guests if sleeping on the floor is permitted. You'll wake up to John singing in the shower every morning followed by superfluous amounts of cinnamon roll oatmeal. After that, treat yourself to a delicious orange, starfruit, or grapefruit from the backyard. Casa di Shanks offers free wi-fi, cable, and any movie you could ever dream of seeing, thanks to John's stealthy computer abilities. There's also Wii for those video game lovers. After a long relaxing day, you'll enjoy one of Mary's famous homecooked meals followed by ice cream and hot chocolate and a night of awesome board games.
While staying at Casa di Shanks, you'll have the opportunity to visit many of Florida's awesome sites. Start at the Ringing Brothers Museum in Sarasota (followed by a quick trip to Whole Foods Market!), then make your way to Tampa to visit Busch Gardens, the Holocaust Museum, Museum of Science and Industry, and much more! The best part is, the beautiful Gulf of Mexico is located only 1/2 block away from Casa di Shanks!
Come one, come all to Casa di Shanks! You won't regret it ;)
Aka, please come visit us. We're lonesome.
Brick, taser, or Mace
So I've discovered the safety of my workplace parking lot is not at all what I thought it was. It is ground zero for muggings galore. Therefore, I think it might be nessa to invest in some sort of protective device.
Option 1: Mace or Pepper spray
The obvious pros here include an effective non-violent way to disarm an attacker. Pepper spray, when used properly, is supposed to render the assailant useless long enough for you to run like hell. The con is pretty big: I would more than likely render myself useless in the process. I would have to first find the pepper spray in this black hole of a purse I carry around, then I would have to remember to AIM first before spraying the chemicals. If, by some miracle, I managed to actually squirt it on my attacker and not myself, any kind of breeze would just blow it right back into my eyes and BOOM incapacitated victim. Pepper Spray: Out.
Option 2: Taser
Pros have to include the possibility of hearing some attacker yell "Don't tase me bro". Cons: you can only use it once, I would be tempted to try it out on my jaundice (TEMPTED), and once again what is to stop me from just tasing myself. There's also the fact that the thing is ugly and large. Taser: Out
Option 3: The Brick
Pros: My bag is already super heavy so I probably wouldn't even notice the added weight of a brick, there is no need to dig around looking for protective device in bag, you just swing and run like hell. Cons: I'm not a fast runner and I don't really know if I want brick dust in my handbags :( Brick: Possibility
I just don't know if I'm the kind of gal who really wants to carry around any kind of protective device. Maybe I'll get an empty can of pepper spray just for show. OR I could buy one of those cute roller ball perfumes and write pepper spray on it! Talk about multi-use. Terror inducing and deliciously captivating scent. Fake Pepperspray: IN!
Option 1: Mace or Pepper spray
The obvious pros here include an effective non-violent way to disarm an attacker. Pepper spray, when used properly, is supposed to render the assailant useless long enough for you to run like hell. The con is pretty big: I would more than likely render myself useless in the process. I would have to first find the pepper spray in this black hole of a purse I carry around, then I would have to remember to AIM first before spraying the chemicals. If, by some miracle, I managed to actually squirt it on my attacker and not myself, any kind of breeze would just blow it right back into my eyes and BOOM incapacitated victim. Pepper Spray: Out.
Option 2: Taser
Pros have to include the possibility of hearing some attacker yell "Don't tase me bro". Cons: you can only use it once, I would be tempted to try it out on my jaundice (TEMPTED), and once again what is to stop me from just tasing myself. There's also the fact that the thing is ugly and large. Taser: Out
Option 3: The Brick
Pros: My bag is already super heavy so I probably wouldn't even notice the added weight of a brick, there is no need to dig around looking for protective device in bag, you just swing and run like hell. Cons: I'm not a fast runner and I don't really know if I want brick dust in my handbags :( Brick: Possibility
I just don't know if I'm the kind of gal who really wants to carry around any kind of protective device. Maybe I'll get an empty can of pepper spray just for show. OR I could buy one of those cute roller ball perfumes and write pepper spray on it! Talk about multi-use. Terror inducing and deliciously captivating scent. Fake Pepperspray: IN!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Ickyness
Why is it that the people with lesions on their faces always find me and want me to cover it up for them? Sometimes I just want to be like, excuse me ma'am but there's no possible way to disguise the enormous amount of acne/lesions/black spots/(insert disgusting face ailment here) you have, perhaps it's time to see a dermatologist about that. And why is it that this always happens when I'm helping at Clinique.
Time to find a tub of sanitizer to bathe myself in.
Time to find a tub of sanitizer to bathe myself in.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Years Resolutions
This is my new blog. I'm super excited to start writing a blog and I promise it will be kept more up-to-date than a certain bride-to-be's blog...
I'm not sure what I'll be writing, but given the amount of awesome material I garner daily at work, there shouldn't be a lack of entries.
So yesterday was New Year's Eve (obviously). John and I spent it at Aqua Eve in Tampa at the Tampa Aquarium with Karen, George, and his sister Lisa. This event was supposed to be a black-tie event. It turned out to be more of a "red light" event. I've never seen so many inappropriate outfits in my life. Lisa and I were both wearing cute 3/4 sleeve cocktail dresses and we stuck out like a sore thumb. We were the only people our age not wearing either a sequined tube dress or tank top disguised as a dress. At one point a girl leaned backwards and I literally saw her lady parts. Lisa did too. They could have sold footage of this event for girls gone wild.
This has inspired me to make a New Years Resolution....never ever go to Aqua Eve again.
I'm not sure what I'll be writing, but given the amount of awesome material I garner daily at work, there shouldn't be a lack of entries.
So yesterday was New Year's Eve (obviously). John and I spent it at Aqua Eve in Tampa at the Tampa Aquarium with Karen, George, and his sister Lisa. This event was supposed to be a black-tie event. It turned out to be more of a "red light" event. I've never seen so many inappropriate outfits in my life. Lisa and I were both wearing cute 3/4 sleeve cocktail dresses and we stuck out like a sore thumb. We were the only people our age not wearing either a sequined tube dress or tank top disguised as a dress. At one point a girl leaned backwards and I literally saw her lady parts. Lisa did too. They could have sold footage of this event for girls gone wild.
This has inspired me to make a New Years Resolution....never ever go to Aqua Eve again.
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